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The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Now that the Harvey Weinstein thing has come out right on the heels of the James Woods thing I wrote about in my last post, my head has been spinning a little too much.  I follow Rose McGowen and Amber Tamblyn on Twitter and I see guys making comments and shaming women for waiting to come forward.  I’m surprised that people don’t understand why women stay silent or delay saying anything for years or decades.  The reason is so simple.

Women get attacked or harassed and immediately go into shock.  Is this really happening to me right now??  This is not what I thought it was??  Then when they get out of the situation they question themselves first.  Why did I go to this place??  Why did I wear this??  Did I smile when I shouldn’t have??  These things all go through her mind even if she knows that these are not reasons or consent for attack.  Then the shame and worry.  I hope no one finds out.  If I tell anyone, no one will believe me.  They’ll call me a whore.  Our mutual friends/associates will take his side because they won’t want to believe this about him.  I know they will take his side.  I KNOW it.  The friends/associates that believe me will have a rift with the ones that believe him.  There will be a rift.  I don’t want to cause a rift.  I must avoid the rift.  Silence.  I need to remain silent.  No good will come if I don’t remain silent.

All is buried and life goes on fine until she finds out he did it to someone else.  Then a new path of guilt emerges.  If I would have said something maybe this would not have happened to her.  Then she comes forward only to be called a liar and be questioned by the people who ride the “why wait” train.

These are the next attacks.  Different ways to attack and shame the victim who did nothing to bring on or deserve the attack from the perp, the attacks from the perp supporters and, of course, the ones from herself.  There is absolutely no way to win.  That’s why they stay silent.  That’s why we stay silent.

(I shook the whole time I wrote this.  I’m still shaking and I’m not an actress or any part of the Hollywood machine.  I’m nobody and I’m scared so I can’t even imagine the guts it takes for someone with an entire career on the line,  I am in awe of your bravery!!)

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